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me spilling my guts out to joshua...bleh

  • May. 2nd, 2008 at 3:26 AM

vs the Elephant (2:51:23 AM): i dont know. its alot of bullshit. but im going crazy in this town. and I need to get out of here into civilization so i can go to school and find a decent job. but my bf just says we dont have the money to move and hes afraid to find a new job. so it makes me aggitated all the time. i feel stuck.
ezekiel 29720 (2:51:42 AM): im sorry
ezekiel 29720 (2:51:53 AM): dont know what to tell you
vs the Elephant (2:51:55 AM): its ok
vs the Elephant (2:52:01 AM): yeah thats the general reaction haha
vs the Elephant (2:52:05 AM): its just bullshit
vs the Elephant (2:52:09 AM): yay life
vs the Elephant (2:52:09 AM): haha
ezekiel 29720 (2:53:37 AM): yeah it is bullshit
ezekiel 29720 (2:53:55 AM): but we still do what everybody tells us to do
ezekiel 29720 (2:54:21 AM): we're aware thats its bullshit and that were hypocrites but were afraid to change it really
ezekiel 29720 (2:54:52 AM): i mean that everyday cycle
vs the Elephant (2:55:14 AM): yeah
ezekiel 29720 (2:55:19 AM): the routine thing of it all
vs the Elephant (2:55:32 AM): i just feel so goddamned helpless.
ezekiel 29720 (2:55:40 AM): you should be
ezekiel 29720 (2:55:49 AM): everybody should be
vs the Elephant (2:55:49 AM): like i want things to be massively different BUT WHAT THE FUCK SHOULD I DO TO CHANGE IT.
vs the Elephant (2:56:01 AM): im fucking trapped
ezekiel 29720 (2:56:02 AM): exactly whatever you want to
ezekiel 29720 (2:56:17 AM): eh you only think youre trapped
vs the Elephant (2:56:35 AM): yeah. i just wish it was simpler. and i wish money didnt control every situation in my life.
ezekiel 29720 (2:56:51 AM): money sucks
vs the Elephant (2:57:22 AM): and yeah i think im trapped. and in alot of ways i trap myself. like...im perfectly content but reallllly discontent at the same time. FUCK MONEY.
ezekiel 29720 (2:57:38 AM): because i mean essentially you are helpless its just material things and such mak eyou feel different
vs the Elephant (2:57:57 AM): yeah
ezekiel 29720 (2:57:57 AM): i hate money
vs the Elephant (2:58:01 AM): me too
vs the Elephant (2:58:33 AM): i just wish we still had the fucking barter system still or something. like why am i worthless if im broke.
ezekiel 29720 (2:58:57 AM): i wish i had my own farm
ezekiel 29720 (2:59:17 AM): or something
vs the Elephant (2:59:22 AM): yeah.
vs the Elephant (3:01:37 AM): im just tired of being the poor girl.
vs the Elephant (3:01:43 AM): i did it my whole life.
vs the Elephant (3:01:47 AM): i wish it didnt matter
vs the Elephant (3:01:52 AM): but im just tired of that shit
vs the Elephant (3:02:20 AM): i just...i dont want to be rich. i just want to be able to not fucking analyze every cent. fucking money.
ezekiel 29720 (3:02:33 AM): i know exactly what you mean
ezekiel 29720 (3:02:48 AM): whatevs :/
vs the Elephant (3:03:11 AM): yeah wow depressing. man i know why i dont have friends haha.
ezekiel 29720 (3:03:44 AM): what do you mean?
vs the Elephant (3:04:16 AM): haha im just always complaining
vs the Elephant (3:04:35 AM): so no one wants to be my friend because im not johnny goodtimes
ezekiel 29720 (3:04:57 AM): oh yeah thats usually what people say about me
ezekiel 29720 (3:05:23 AM): im the most misanthropic person
ezekiel 29720 (3:05:34 AM): and i usually associate myself with people alike
vs the Elephant (3:06:09 AM): yeah. misanthropes R us.
ezekiel 29720 (3:06:45 AM): yep
vs the Elephant (3:08:30 AM): i think i just operate on some parrallel plane of existence.
vs the Elephant (3:08:39 AM): no one gets it
ezekiel 29720 (3:10:44 AM): yeah


kittyvanwinkle wrote:
May. 2nd, 2008 04:34 pm (UTC)
i feel exactly the same way you do!
butt tell gary that if you get financial aid etc. you can go to school!
that stuff helps out a lot and you can take out a loan once you get yerrr job you love you can pay the loan back?
that's a possibility.

but i feel ya on everything you said.
man, does it suck D:
cease_power wrote:
May. 2nd, 2008 05:15 pm (UTC)
yeah well i mean the whole school thing isnt a money issue. its just moving to where i can go to school. i live in the smallest town and theres o job or school opportunities here at all. if we moved, there would be tons.
kittyvanwinkle wrote:
May. 2nd, 2008 05:41 pm (UTC)
why doesn't gary want to move?
is his job that good?
what's he do? o;

want me to get on aim?
i'll be on so we can talk.
because i'm sure if he searched for a job now and called places for an interview then it wouldn't be a problem...
staying in that small town isn't good for you and there are no opportunities for you, like you said.
plus, he should think "wow, my gf would be so much happier there, we should do that"
and i know gary's not a bad guy.
but i'm sure he could find lotsa good opportunities for jobs further out there.
cease_power wrote:
May. 2nd, 2008 11:38 pm (UTC)
idk hes been doing it for years and makes decent money.
i guess hes just afraid of starting over, ya know.
but it aggitates me. that he wont do it for me.
i moved all the way here for him.
and he cant move an hour.
idk :[
and yeah i just got home, im sorry if you waited on aim for me.
ill most likely be on later though, you can text me if you want to!
kittyvanwinkle wrote:
May. 5th, 2008 05:21 pm (UTC)
did you talk it out?
that thing you were telling me about?

sorry it took so long, i haven't checked my email/lj for a bit.

let him know that, maybe.
say i love you, but can we tryyy.
let's do something new!
it'll make me happier; we'll be much happier!

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