i go into this mexican restaurant.
and the people are eating, and theres this one guy that keeps spilling his margarita.
uh and i go in, and i order like, french fries and a small sprite.
so im sitting waiting for it
and like people and their dogs start coming down the stairs.
and then some other stuffhappens
and then i get my food and try to leave
so i walk out the door
and im on a beach
only wearing a towel
and this big black guy sees me
and starts trying to rape me.
so i start screaming
and he tries to scream louder to cover up my voice.
i try to run up a hill to get this apartment building, but people look out the door and thinking nothing of me being chase.
so he grabs me...then i dont remember some stuff
then he tries to escape by blending in with a group of street construction guys.
ok and then
he turns into a bear?
and i start trying to fight him in dumb ways
then this lady and her two daughts have magical powers
so the invite me into their restaurant
and the bear comes in
and sees me
so they fucking fight it!
and alls well that ends well.
my brain is weird.
im not staying up until 6 ever again
when was the last time i was up this late?
hell if i know.
i need to move
and start my ears.
i think my life is getting pretty stagnant
and im going tokeep looking for things to change
until i dont know who i am anymore.
oh boy was i angsty!
Im so tired of this scene,
of this metaphorical gun i have to keep in the drawer
next to me at night, just in case
it all becomes a bit too much
I used to think that the way things were,
they were only temporary.
on the one hand i was pretty dead on
the blissful ignorance i wallowed in
only lasted until i was 14
and then you stole my innocense
Reality is strictly in the eye of the beholder
I dont trust it as far as i can throw it, and
thats what you've taught me, thats what i do
i throw things
a tip; throw them away
if they come back to you, then they are yours
a hint; run quickly, and they never seem to catch up
i miss the smell of smoke i still cant get out of my clothes
there was no point; taking back sunday said so
it doesnt keep you up nights, and it never did
we all knew everyone else's word meant more
even complete fucking strangers you repsected more
than i ever could
now, silence means anything and everything to me
it is my only friend, my only family, my only home
we're not on speaking terms, it says my heart beats too loud
that was never a problem for you, tuning thigs out always was your best asset
please teach me, youre all i can hear
the way the sun shines makes my eyes jealous, i seem to be becoming my own worst enemy. but at least i got what i wanted! thats all this ever was about!
she was right when she said i was really vain. the really made her right
i think they could market souls like yours, mine are a bore. who wants a butter knife when you can have a power saw. or the ability to love
we all hate too much, and it makes my heart hurt. we fold to weather, and the upper hand of fate
no one knows the rest
I wish i could write things that had meaning, that identify the unjusts of society.
reduce, reuse, recycyle...ive been reduced to reuse,
but who like recycled angst?
i am a joke
when they havent bothered to talk to me in 6 months.
how dumb are people?
do they think i moved all the way to north carolina
to get the hell away from them
just to let MYSELF stay the same way you made me?
read a fuckin book.
i hate how they will argue that they have changed, when they are still the fucking same.
and yet assume im still angry and bitter like they are
when im the one who moved away from mommy and daddy
and started living this beautiful life.
i just dont understand people.
if you choose to leave someones life, STAY GONE
this isnt some country club where you can waltz in and out when you please
if youre my friend, BE MY FUCKING FRIEND.
or be gone.
so im going to try to go home for like a month-ish this summer.
to see alot of people, spend some time with my brother before he goes to college
and most of all see my mom and dad who i love and miss.
i hope that the time i spend there isnt in vain, as im going to reconnect
i feel like my life is here
and carrollton/dallas is a strange and distant land
where EVERYONE has forgotten i once fucking existed.
like i said...whole new kind of lonely
does anyone else (artist-wise) ever feel like
a sack of shit when they look at someone else's amazing artwork?
lately i look at other peoples stuff and wish i was just half as talented. UGH
- Music:baby guts
set of people in my life.
people have these friends
that they see all the time and love and respect and WANT to be around
who just drive them to be better and more creative and live to this fuller extent.
i want that so bad.
i havent really ever had those people, those friends.
ive been fortunate to have some close friends in my life
but never THOSE kind of friends
i think im going to go home for a bit this summer
and try to re-connect
its lonely out here on the east coast.
when no one knows you
and you dont know yourself.
its a whole new kind of lonely
there was this big mixup with my mail and i didnt get any birthday stuff, which made me really sad.
its hard not having any friends or family anywhere near..and i was excited about getting cards.
and a little excited about getting some money...i mean i am unemployed..AND I WANT TO GET MY HALF SLEEVE FINISHED DAMMIT.
but i got two cards last week..maybe some more will show up.
i think it was just due to the address mixup with my mom.
bigger news... i got an apartment finally!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111
it only took almost 7 months.
but its a BRAND new one with an amazing kitchen and nice patio/deck. the neighbors are all quiet and stuff, so its just peaceful and relaxing being there.
but yeah. maybe a texas trip soon?
my brother graduates early june and i want to be there, and if im not working ill stay for like a week.
- Music:dropkick murphys
good job interview
life involves so much planning
tattoos, moving, phones, school, cars, work...so much planning
fuck that noise.
i better hear about this job soon
breakdown, here i come.
have no clue what to do.
pm medicine is kicking in